So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
