did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
