I have demons in me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize