I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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