Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
