I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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