you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
