I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize