I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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