if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
