i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
