Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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