just come out here and I will go home with you...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
