i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
