We need to start having sex underwater more often.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
