I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
