So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
