I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
