Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
