Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize