He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
