Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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