never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
