sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
