remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
