I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
