I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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