is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
