Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
