I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Randomize
