wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
