apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
