I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
