Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
