Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize