Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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