i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
