Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
