So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
