mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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