Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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