8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
