I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
