DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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