she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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