This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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