dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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