Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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