so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
