You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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