I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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