you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
