I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
