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Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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