oh god the rape fog is back!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
