More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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