You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
