I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
