I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
