Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i already hear my dad disowning me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
