just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
