I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
