I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
