There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
