I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
two words...techno handjob
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
