Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
