I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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