I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is the high leading the old right now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
