Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
