I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
