On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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