She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
