Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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