I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize